Glorified pigeons

Don't mind if I don't.

These aren't even two turtledoves. No redeeming qualities. (And this coming from a bird person.)

Another one for the wall

What I like best of all is that this isn't even someone's house. It appears to be a research facility - and CLEARLY too nice to throw away.

Why not hang an aerial photograph of someone else's agricultural property on your wall?

In this neck of the woods, these belong on the wall sandwiched between your souvenir spoon collection and your brass decorative platter featuring the Last Supper. 

Killing me softly with his song

Busking clowns. Seems to be a popular theme among dust-collecting tchotchkes.

I have no room in my life for clowns. They're too close in relation to the mime. (This information is filed under "Things You Should Know About Kate" between "loves animatronics" and "has been known to turn two Double Stuf Oreos into one 'Quadruple Stuf Oreo.'"*)

Look. Even the jaunty-hatted dog is begging him to stop.

You ever tried dancing to just an upright bass before? Played by a clown? Can't be easy.

*don't judge... The good people at Nabisco already did that when I suggested that they start making them this way. *sigh*

In the eye of the beholder

You see silhouetted unicorns, prancing merrily as the day is dawning.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who spots a pair of polite paws at the top left corner of this photograph. They're altogether distracting and lovely.

I see renegade 'corns, black as night with glowing eyes. As tall as a castle. Pawing at the barren earth and participating in horn-to-horn combat as night closes in.

They'll transition you out of the lavender maned, glittery hooved creatures of your childhood and catapult you into your angst-ridden teen years with the swish of their unkempt tail.

These aren't your little sister's unicorns.

Sure, why not?

And, in the "Animals & Pets" section of the bookshelves:

The Complete Book of the Cat
Elk of North America
Keepers of the Animals

... The Jungle Book

Finally I can throw out my copy of the Incomplete Book of the Cat.

When handicrafts go bad

Hang us from your oven door.

Go on, do it.

And then late one night you'll hear something, turn on the bedside lamp, and there's my sister, lying on your pillow, staring at you with her vacant eyes.

She's a riot, that one.

Every rose has its horn

Ah, roses and pianos.

Is there anything so romantic as these?

I also would have accepted rose and violin, rose and trumpet, or rose and french horn.

We've got to bring these cliche iconic images back in style.

I tell you what, I'll go guilt my husband into buying me roses and, while he's out searching frantically for them, I'll try to find a suitable instrument so that I, too, can craft my own romantic photograph.

**************************************************************

Update:

The only thing close to an instrument that I could locate in the house was a nose flute.

I wish I was kidding. Proof:

Rose-and-nose-flute wall art, it's gonna be big.

I bestow unto you the gift of plate.

Well there's a straightforward and well-described gift if I've ever seen one.

I suppose gifts like these were the polite and cherished precursors to the rude and ungrateful "my grandma went to Delaware and all she got me was this t-shirt" t-shirts.

Cheapskate grandma. Couldn't even get me a gilded piece of fine china. 



Fun Fact: Apparently Port Arthur hasn't been Port Arthur since 1970. It's now part of Thunder Bay, ON. Don't ever tell me this blog isn't educational.

I can hardly stand the excitement

Family game night just got excruciating.

Did I dream it?

Rare is the moment when I am literally stopped in my tracks while perusing a store. But on this day, in the year of our Lord 2013, I spied what might just be the most hideous piece of furniture upon which one has ever laid eyes.

I think I inadvertently shoved someone out of the way as I rushed over to take a closer look at this thing.

Come to think of it, I may have scaled a few pieces of furniture that were in the way as well.

No time to go around.

Ugliness seen.

Must. Document.

"Oh, Henry, no.. Don't sit your mother there for dinner. My strawberry chair is just for honoured guests. Quick, get one of those old lawn chairs from the garage for her to use. She'll be fine and she can set her glass of sherry on the arm. Win-win."

Garage sale goldmine

I wonder which were her "gateway" novelty shakers - the ones that got her hooked.

I see three different pineapple sets, potatoes, anthropomorphized vegetables, dogs in mortarboards, cats, cats and more cats, a giant mushroom shaker that'll no doubt contribute to your high blood pressure if you use it to salt your meals.

At least you always knew what to get her for gift-giving occasions.

Other than that, it's lovely

This crooked clock face caught my attention from a mile away.

I prefer my clocks set to Greenwich Lean Time.

And here I'd always thought that setting your clock a few minutes ahead was a surefire way to make one more punctual (until you got in the habit of thinking "Hey, I've totally got three more minutes to lounge about." - which, if you're me, only took one day to get to that point...). Turns out you can rotate your clock face back a tad to get the same effect.

The great debate

It is a question that has plagued great artists since the dawn of time.


Velvet?

Or iridescence?

As soon as I get my time machine working (needs more crystals) I'm going to give da Vinci a shot at improving his Mona Lisa by choosing one of these. Not only will it solve the great debate, but it'll really jazz up the old girl.

What. Why are you looking at me in disgust?

Wow your friends.

And now, Sigfried will guess the amount of money written on the price sticker on his forehead.

Become the star of your own show!? Quick, where'd my tabby cat get to. I need her to set the tone. I've got some illuuuuUuuUUuuusions to perform!

"You want me to do what now?"

Fact: These are appliances.

Or are they...?

Who needs arms?

Even the trees are in awe.

This picture needs a "Flash" style theme song. Is it weird that that's what pops into my head when I behold this artistic masterpiece clad in its teeny tiny brass frame?

This is not the first time I've seen sabre-tooth "tigers" and unicorns portrayed together. Methinks we need to revisit our studies of fossils of the Pleistocene era. We obviously missed an important one. A radiant, gold-footed, shiny, magestic, important one.

Lest we forget

Let us take a moment of silence to remember the dying art of souvenir spoon collecting.

And the whimsical ways in which they were displayed.

How better to show off where we've traveled than with tiny, unusable spoons from Branson, MO, Picture Butte, AB or Flin Flon, MB?

Now you can tinkle the ivories wherever it tickles your fancy

I just learned these things existed. It was a thrift store epiphany.

So impractical. So unnecessary. So ridiculous. I want it.

"Lower notes 'breathy'." Now that's either a technical term, or a very poetic individual wrote this little note. I will choose to believe it's the latter.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go figure out a way of justifying this purchase.

I have high standards.

Obedience is just one of the many qualities I test for when striking up new friendships. And trust me, this is a circle of friends you want to belong to - I give out trophies with submissive bison on them. On a monthly basis. Could be yooOOoooOoooOOOOooou!

Might be a little dust on the cotton, it's just one of those things that gets sweeter with time.

File this one under "too good to throw away" (TGTTA): 20(and I'm being conservative here)-year-old multi-coloured cotton balls, still in original (though broken and, might I add, snaggy?) container.

Let's all just pause and think about the thought process of the person who decided to donate these to the thrift store.

Thrifty Update: And Then There Was One

I'd like a plaster Norseman head, yes, but I only require one. What kind of person needs two!?


Edited to add: I feel I should reference the original post featuring this guy.

Best. Seller.

A feline war reporter? I like it. Now I can learn all about tuna rationing, rodent population booms, and best napping spots in bomb shelters during WWII-era London.

Why the long face?

I've heard of duck decoys and the like, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that a deer decoy might exist. I don't know. I fish, I don't hunt.

I'm only now realizing, as I type this, that this thing doesn't have ears. Sadly, that's not the reason why it looks so weird.

As a bird nerd, I know that there are tube-nosed sea birds. And so, behold, the tube-nosed deer. Fantastic sense of smell... Must make up for the lack of hearing. Stay tuned for a David Attenborough-narrated nature special.

I've said "shish kebab" too many times now. Sounds weird.

"Oh. Don't mind me. I'm just checkin' out your kebabs."

Two spoiled dog

"I don't care how cute the pet store puppies were. The fact of the matter is, you should have consulted me first before bringing one home. Now I have to go and change the sign."

One sign fits all.

I don't remember seeing these at the gym.

Loungercize. It's gonna be big.

Consult your doctor? Sure, but only to tell him how awesome your new exercise regime is.

As the old saying goes...

Don't just sit there like a bunch of fruit pits on a log.

The decorative moss is a nice touch.

Also, the internal struggle that comes with decluttering one's house continues. Apparently this was deemed too good for the trash bin.

One more reason to visit Florida

I let out an audible snort when I spied this thing last week.

But then it hit me: This thing is genius.

Move aside, ketchup. We're only dainty dippin mustard and relish over here.

Anyhoo, file this one under "why didn't I think of this first?"

Not your grandma's doily (or maybe it was, and this is how she rolled, in which case, what were trips to grandma's like!?)

And here we have a swan doily. A black swan doily, at that. It is all kinds of creepy, if you ask me. Well made, but creepy. (Might I draw your attention to the eyes that I'm sure glow in the dark, and the razor sharp blood sucking beaks?) 

How and where does one display one of these in their torture chamber house?

You've gotta admit, though, that's some damn fine craftsmanship.

They're biding their time, waiting to ensnare some poor dopey child into their pineapple lace net of doom.

Yup, that looks about right.

 Welp, this thing pretty much makes fun of itself.

"As Advertised"? Well thank goodness.

What... just... what!?

Having just had a garage sale with my sisters-in-law, I fully understand that you just put stuff out there, slap a price sticker on it and hope for the best. If it sells, you make a buck or two. If it doesn't, it goes off to the thrift store or the trash. Some of it's wacky, some of it's funny. But you try. No harm done.

Just stop and take it all in, would ya? She's crying. There's a silhouetted couple in a lovers' embrace on wind-blown autumnal leaves. Five dollars.

That said, there are some things - case in point, this picture - that I might be too embarrassed to include in my garage sale. Where people come to my house. And know that I owned this. And owned it for what seems like a good 30+ years before deciding to part with it. 

After climbing all those stairs? What do YOU think?

"Not tonight dear. The atomospheric pressure is 101.4 kilopascals and falling. Whoops, sorry, I was reading the barometer by mistake. I mean no, I would rather watch the late late show."

"Now about that mink" - that's right, bribe him for an old timey fur coat.

Cock-eyed Spaniel

Or a heavily barnacled seal. Can't quite decide which.

I was just testing the temperature of the coffee with my brow bone.

Because hiding behind one of these won't draw any attention...

"Marcia, is Kevin from sales watching us again?"

"No, Cynthia, he's just holding his coffee mug against his face again. A perfectly harmless gesture. Calm down."

Is that a carpet sweeper in your hand?

Or are you just happy to see me?

"The Ultimate Authority"

And I thought Cat Fancy was a page turner!

And the over-representation of unicorns continues

Gangsta Unicorn does his best thug pose.

Yes I see the flower and still called him a "he". He's a unicorn, for crying out loud.

We'll cherish the memory forever. Until we don't. And then someone else can.

"Hey Hun, it's me. I'm just out running some errands and I'm at the thrift store and, well, I forget. Did we go to Cancun in 2004? ... It was 2005? Are you sure? ... Shoot. So close..." *returns plate to shelf*

Mastery of the Thigh

"Tell me about the 90s, mom."

"Ah, the 90s. When everyone had disproportionately strong inner thigh muscles."

Thanks for the strong groin muscles, Suzanne Somers. Now I can crush beer cans between my knees.

Don't miss the fibre-optic waterfall

I regret not plugging this in.

Shy swans,  combative doves, a waterfall, iridescent wings, flowers, gravity-defying clothing... I can't, for the life of me, picture this monstrosity on display in someone's house. Though I'd like to. Bet the opulent tackiness didn't end here.

My proudest achievment

That, my friends, is a 100 piece kitten puzzle.

Mounted and framed.

$3.00.

"I think Michael Buble sang a song about us."

Does "World '3 on 3' Hockey Player Award" strike anyone else as being a rather vague distinction?

Pearlescent Bridesmaid doesn't care. She's desperate and looking for love. Tractor beams: locked on target.

Vacant-eyed soul snatcher

Add these things to the list of common thrift store finds. I do believe I had one of these decorative masks in my room as a child, though I can't imagine why. They remind me of (fancy) mimes. And there's one thing you must know about me: I hate mimes.

Dear Anne Geddes

Stop it.