When handicrafts go bad

Hang us from your oven door.

Go on, do it.

And then late one night you'll hear something, turn on the bedside lamp, and there's my sister, lying on your pillow, staring at you with her vacant eyes.

She's a riot, that one.

Why the long face?

I've heard of duck decoys and the like, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that a deer decoy might exist. I don't know. I fish, I don't hunt.

I'm only now realizing, as I type this, that this thing doesn't have ears. Sadly, that's not the reason why it looks so weird.

As a bird nerd, I know that there are tube-nosed sea birds. And so, behold, the tube-nosed deer. Fantastic sense of smell... Must make up for the lack of hearing. Stay tuned for a David Attenborough-narrated nature special.

As the old saying goes...

Don't just sit there like a bunch of fruit pits on a log.

The decorative moss is a nice touch.

Also, the internal struggle that comes with decluttering one's house continues. Apparently this was deemed too good for the trash bin.

Not your grandma's doily (or maybe it was, and this is how she rolled, in which case, what were trips to grandma's like!?)

And here we have a swan doily. A black swan doily, at that. It is all kinds of creepy, if you ask me. Well made, but creepy. (Might I draw your attention to the eyes that I'm sure glow in the dark, and the razor sharp blood sucking beaks?) 

How and where does one display one of these in their torture chamber house?

You've gotta admit, though, that's some damn fine craftsmanship.

They're biding their time, waiting to ensnare some poor dopey child into their pineapple lace net of doom.

He ain't heavy...

For a week now I have been scratching my head over how these two plaster noggins came into existence. AND how they came to be donated to a thrift store.

"Well, my dream to make bed knobs out of craggy old Norseman faces has fizzled. That was a miscalculation... But surely someone else can make good use out of these two and their blasé demeanor. Buck up, lads. Someone will find a use for you yet!"

Who? Who created this masterpiece?

Ah, the lost art of macramé.

Who? Who? Who would have thought I'd be making a comeback!?

When we switch our daughter from a crib to a toddler bed I may just hang this thing in the hallway outside her bedroom door. Imagine sneaking out of your bed at night and opening your bedroom door onto a dark hallway with this set of eyes boring into your very soul staring at you?

I think I should write a parenting book.

*****

Fun fact: Eight years ago I moved into a house that, before me, had only had one family/occupant since it was built in the late 40s. In the living room were lovely fake wood paneling walls, and on one wall in particular there was a darker area on the wood that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, was the outline of a macramé owl that had once hung there. How LONG must that have been hanging there, on a wall that got no direct sunlight, to have left its mark? Either way, that "shadow owl" spurred my ironic love of macramé owls from then on out.

Make it stop

I felt very strong, unpleasant emotions toward this book that I found in the handycrafts section of my local thrift shop.

Suddenly I was transported back to the It's A Small World ride at Disney World.

I had made a special request to my husband that we give the ride a try when we were there a few years back. My reasoning? Well, shouldn't everyone experience this retro animatronic delight when they visit The Happiest Place on Earth? I mean, what's not to enjoy? Animatronics (which I love more than you could ever know). A boat ride. Bright colours. Happiness. All things that I love.

Boy was I wrong.

Behold, the expression that was frozen on my face for the duration of the ride:

Let me off let me off let me off let me off let me off let me off

I'm just kidding. It was only mildly horrific.

Shellshocked

My that's a lovely... one of those.

She sells secondhand seashells.

There is no end to the wide array of seashell "art" out there in thrift stores, just waiting to be gawked at and made fun of admired and appreciated for the hours of painstaking labour that went into making it so atrocious breathtaking.