Killing me softly with his song

Busking clowns. Seems to be a popular theme among dust-collecting tchotchkes.

I have no room in my life for clowns. They're too close in relation to the mime. (This information is filed under "Things You Should Know About Kate" between "loves animatronics" and "has been known to turn two Double Stuf Oreos into one 'Quadruple Stuf Oreo.'"*)

Look. Even the jaunty-hatted dog is begging him to stop.

You ever tried dancing to just an upright bass before? Played by a clown? Can't be easy.

*don't judge... The good people at Nabisco already did that when I suggested that they start making them this way. *sigh*

In the eye of the beholder

You see silhouetted unicorns, prancing merrily as the day is dawning.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who spots a pair of polite paws at the top left corner of this photograph. They're altogether distracting and lovely.

I see renegade 'corns, black as night with glowing eyes. As tall as a castle. Pawing at the barren earth and participating in horn-to-horn combat as night closes in.

They'll transition you out of the lavender maned, glittery hooved creatures of your childhood and catapult you into your angst-ridden teen years with the swish of their unkempt tail.

These aren't your little sister's unicorns.

Sure, why not?

And, in the "Animals & Pets" section of the bookshelves:

The Complete Book of the Cat
Elk of North America
Keepers of the Animals

... The Jungle Book

Finally I can throw out my copy of the Incomplete Book of the Cat.

When handicrafts go bad

Hang us from your oven door.

Go on, do it.

And then late one night you'll hear something, turn on the bedside lamp, and there's my sister, lying on your pillow, staring at you with her vacant eyes.

She's a riot, that one.

Every rose has its horn

Ah, roses and pianos.

Is there anything so romantic as these?

I also would have accepted rose and violin, rose and trumpet, or rose and french horn.

We've got to bring these cliche iconic images back in style.

I tell you what, I'll go guilt my husband into buying me roses and, while he's out searching frantically for them, I'll try to find a suitable instrument so that I, too, can craft my own romantic photograph.

**************************************************************

Update:

The only thing close to an instrument that I could locate in the house was a nose flute.

I wish I was kidding. Proof:

Rose-and-nose-flute wall art, it's gonna be big.

I bestow unto you the gift of plate.

Well there's a straightforward and well-described gift if I've ever seen one.

I suppose gifts like these were the polite and cherished precursors to the rude and ungrateful "my grandma went to Delaware and all she got me was this t-shirt" t-shirts.

Cheapskate grandma. Couldn't even get me a gilded piece of fine china. 



Fun Fact: Apparently Port Arthur hasn't been Port Arthur since 1970. It's now part of Thunder Bay, ON. Don't ever tell me this blog isn't educational.

I can hardly stand the excitement

Family game night just got excruciating.

Did I dream it?

Rare is the moment when I am literally stopped in my tracks while perusing a store. But on this day, in the year of our Lord 2013, I spied what might just be the most hideous piece of furniture upon which one has ever laid eyes.

I think I inadvertently shoved someone out of the way as I rushed over to take a closer look at this thing.

Come to think of it, I may have scaled a few pieces of furniture that were in the way as well.

No time to go around.

Ugliness seen.

Must. Document.

"Oh, Henry, no.. Don't sit your mother there for dinner. My strawberry chair is just for honoured guests. Quick, get one of those old lawn chairs from the garage for her to use. She'll be fine and she can set her glass of sherry on the arm. Win-win."

Garage sale goldmine

I wonder which were her "gateway" novelty shakers - the ones that got her hooked.

I see three different pineapple sets, potatoes, anthropomorphized vegetables, dogs in mortarboards, cats, cats and more cats, a giant mushroom shaker that'll no doubt contribute to your high blood pressure if you use it to salt your meals.

At least you always knew what to get her for gift-giving occasions.

Other than that, it's lovely

This crooked clock face caught my attention from a mile away.

I prefer my clocks set to Greenwich Lean Time.

And here I'd always thought that setting your clock a few minutes ahead was a surefire way to make one more punctual (until you got in the habit of thinking "Hey, I've totally got three more minutes to lounge about." - which, if you're me, only took one day to get to that point...). Turns out you can rotate your clock face back a tad to get the same effect.

The great debate

It is a question that has plagued great artists since the dawn of time.


Velvet?

Or iridescence?

As soon as I get my time machine working (needs more crystals) I'm going to give da Vinci a shot at improving his Mona Lisa by choosing one of these. Not only will it solve the great debate, but it'll really jazz up the old girl.

What. Why are you looking at me in disgust?